Hello 2025. Let’s see what this year brings!
I find value in posting once a week and the content seem to be veering towards my inner world as I process my new life. If there’s content you would like – something you’re curious about – please let me know in the comments or flip me a message.
I’m going to change things up a bit with the blog. I’ve decided to put updates of the administrative variety – achievements, frustrations, milestones – at the top in case some of you are here only for that information. Administration is a very boring heading so, for now, I’m calling it ‘Achievements. Or not.’ That seems to sum it up.
For the last 6 months, it’s been helpful to write under the headings of Challenges, Lessons and Joy because it’s kept me focused. But I feel like the word Joy is overused right now, and I haven’t always learned a Lesson. Or at least not one I can articulate or admit to. So I’m going to change the headings.
I’m not sure if I’ll use the same ones every week, but this week I’m going with Curiosity and Beauty. Curiosity because it suggests observing but not necessarily acting which is what I’m trying to do right now. And Beauty because of what I’ve been listening to this week. More on that below.
Achievements. Or not.
Health Card | Carte Vitale
Before I left for Morocco, I noted that I had received my social security number and was waiting for the letter that would invite me to apply for my health card. It was in the mail when I got home and I was able to apply online. I expect to receive it by the end of the month. This feels like a very significant step in my move to France. I’m still waiting to hear about my driver’s licence but expect that process to take many more months.
Canadian bureacracy
In September, I submitted a form to the Canada Revenue Agency that should help reduce the amount of taxes that are withheld from my pension because I’m a non-resident. I won’t even bother trying to explain the details because I don’t really understand it myself (it’s CRA form NR5 if you want to look it up).
I had hoped to have it cleared up by the end of the calendar year but, when I returned from Morocco, there was a letter from the CRA saying that I hadn’t included my address in France. I question that since they had, in fact, mailed it to my address in France. They’ve sent a longer form for me to fill out which just means it will take a bit longer to resolve. They’ve also included a phone number so I’ll call them once I’ve figured out what questions I need to ask. This is so annoying.
Curiosity
Missing Toronto
This week, I found myself missing Toronto. A lot. I miss my friends and I miss the home that I lovingly renovated a few years ago. I also miss how easy life was. I guess it says something about my fortitude that it’s taken so long to feel this way. Or maybe I’ve just been too busy to notice.
It didn’t help that the new form I received from the Canada Revenue Agency asked me to detail my ties, or lack thereof, with Canada. And it doesn’t help that there is political turmoil in and about the country.
I’ve moved a lot and rarely feel homesick. I’m sitting with it as a bittersweet pain.
Dreams
When I travel, I usually wake up confused about where I am. Never when I’m on the trip but always once I’m home. It will happen only one time, usually on my second or third night home. This week, it happened several nights in a row and was disconcerting because I didn’t really wake up. I was still sleeping but also looking around the room trying to figure out if I was in Morocco, France or Toronto. I tried to examine parts of the room – the window, the dresser, the door – to figure it out.
I walked and talked in my sleep when I was a child – I remember waking up in the living room or bathroom trying to figure out where I was. This felt like the same thing. I think it’s likely connected to missing Toronto, but maybe has deeper meaning. Thankfully, it seems to have stopped for now.
A conflicted mind
I laughed this week when I reread my year-end post. In it, I talked about my need to slow down and rest. To chill out a bit. Then I talked about buying a car, writing a novel and exploring Europe. Am I the only one who didn’t notice the contradiction? It seems you’re getting a glimpse into my sometimes chaotic mind. To be clear, it’s not a crisis. It’s just the way I process my world.
Beauty
I’ve been bingeing John O’Donohue this week. I mention him fairly often – he’s one of my sources for philosophy and poetry. He describes beauty as an inner landscape. He talks about it as ‘an emerging fullness, a greater sense of grace and elegance, and a homecoming for the enriched memory of an unfolding life.’
His language is so rich and beautiful in its own right, and his writings inspire me to look inwards for beauty as well as in the world around me. If you haven’t yet discovered him, I recommend this video as a start.
In the video, O’Donohue touches on connection as evidence of beauty. Let me tell you about some beautiful connections I experienced this week.
New friends in Pezenas: I have been wholeheartedly welcomed by the group of French seniors I have coffee with several times a week. They are kind and funny and wonderful new friends who have to keep reminding me to use the informal ‘tu’ for ‘you’ instead of the formal ‘vous’ which I default to. I feel seen by them.
Canadian connection: There’s something very special about connecting with other Canadians when you’re elsewhere in the world. We have shared values and humour, and shared knowledge of people and places. This week, when I was missing Toronto so much, I sent a message to some new Canadian friends in Pézenas and asked if we could meet for coffee. They warmly welcomed me into their home and I felt infintely better because of it.
Video calls: I have a monthly call with a dear friend from Canada, a connection that is invaluable to me. As we finish each call, we choose a date for the following month so it’s in our calendars. This act of commitment is very precious to me and almost as valuable as the call itself.
Song of the week
It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the turmoil in the world but there is beauty everywhere. We just need to look for it. That’s why I chose Louis Armstrong’s What a Wonderful World as the song of the week. I love this version by Eva Cassidy.
Photos
I jumped on the bus and headed to Montpellier on Wednesday. I thought I would go to a museum or gallery but I felt very subdued for some reason. Instead, I had lunch in the sun on a patio and then just wandered around. Side note: I can’t say the word subdued, without thinking that I’m trying to say ‘some dude’ but with a head cold. You’re welcome. 😀
Here are a few photos.
Well, it seems I have become verbose so I’ll wrap it up. Thanks, again, for being here!
À bientôt .
Good morning, Sue
Oh, my goodness, what a number of connections we have…I may have said this before, but John O’Donohue is one of my favorites as well. I used his words on the back of the Prayer Card for Carver’s funeral. « What a Wonderful World » brought tears of joy and sadness for me. It was my Mother’s favorite song. For a niece’s wedding a couple of years ago, Carver and I took some lessons-wheelchair dancing-to this song. It was SO much fun!!!!!!!!! We were just going to dance with all the other wedding guests to the song by Louis Armstrong. Unfortunately, my sibs got wind of our intention and forbid us from getting out on the dance floor-deeply misunderstood. Is this a Canadian artist? I’ll look her up and see if I can add it to my music account. Thank you for introducing me to it. Thank you for giving me a glimpse into your Life in France. Carver and I were/are Francophiles. I’m planning on attending the DDay Ceremonies in Normandy in June and leading a group in October on his WWII Journey. God Bless, Marianne
Sue, we talked in Morocco about the concept of “coming home” and that it might be difficult for you returning to France and not Toronto. I often have dreams about “trying to get home”. So home, of course, is not a place on the map so much as it is a place of comfort and safety. I am sure you will find it.
As for your lovely piece of wood sculpture: you said ” I loved it because it looked very sensual but, when I got it home, it looked more like my oonflicted mind.” So both are possible! Give her a name. Some days she will be Sexy Sue, and other days, Searching Sue, etc!
PS The above is from Diana, in case you didn’t guess. Not sure why it gave me this generous…..name