One Year!

It’s been a year, and what a year it’s been!

Circling back to the theme of this site, I’m taking a thousand foot view of my story as it threaded across the loom in the last 12 months. The weaving is made of very bright colours. A few dark streaks represent struggles and challenges, there is green for growth, blues for the skies and sea, yellow, red and pink for everything that bloomed – flowers, friendship and adventure. And what a story the weaving tells!

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July 30, 2024 was a frantic day. My brother was scheduled to arrive mid-afternoon to take me to the airport. I didn’t need to be there until evening but we wanted to enjoy a meal together before I left. I was so rattled, I had to keep asking him to delay. I thought I was ready but just couldn’t get it together. In the end, he showed up, gave me a hug, reminded me to breathe and loaded my bags in the car. We didn’t get that meal together, but since we headed to the airport in the middle of Toronto rush hour traffic, we had lots of time to talk. Then he dropped me off, made sure I was checked in and said goodbye.

I was exhausted, overwhelmed and a bit panicky. By the time I arrived in Pézenas 36 hours later, by way of plane, bus and taxi, I was even more exhausted but ready to dive into my new life.

It’s impossible to fully recount this past year in one post. I’ve had great adventures, met many people and made new friends, overcome obstacles and experienced much delight. I’ve decided the best way to approach this significant blog post is to return to the format I started with – Challenges, Lessons and Joys.

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Challenges

A lot of people struggle with the administrative tasks of the first year but the process was mostly smooth for me. I’m grateful for this ease as it allowed me to lean into the other, more significant challenges.

Physical challenges

Stress is hard on the body and I felt the impact many times this year. My arthritis flared up for a while and I’ve had bouts of insomnia. My allergies have also been much worse than ever before. In Toronto, I managed all ailments with the help of my much-loved acupuncturist. She knew me well and it usually took only one or two visits to clear things up. Here, I’ve had to find the right resources, listen more carefully to my body and be more patient with results.

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Mental challenges

There’s nothing like pushing the boundaries of comfort to stimulate the mind. From re-immersing myself in a language long forgotten to trying to grasp cultural differences, my brain has been on fire. Getting lost, especially in the narrow winding streets of Pezenas, was a happy challenge. Numerical challenges, like paying for a lot of things with cash while trying to translate the numbers, not so much.

I’ve also experienced the interesting challenges that come with having lived in many places. They have started to blur together. I lived in Winnipeg for 40 years and Toronto for 20, and I’ve begun to confuse locations and street names between the two cities. Thankfully, the people I associate with each location remain crystal clear.

My mind has always been happiest with a lot of stimulation so this move has, overall, resulted in very positive mental challenges.

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Emotional challenges

As I expected, the year had emotional challenges, too. Some days, I craved familiarity. And there were days where I found myself questioning whether the move had been impulsive, despite the years of research that led up to it. Then there were days when, after introducing myself to stranger after stranger, I wondered if the stories I was telling about myself were even true. It’s strange, this business of reinventing yourself.

It also became very clear to me how uncomfortable i am with vulnerability. This year I felt it on three new fronts – as an immigrant trying to fit in, as a person still learning the language, and as a renter. The first two are probably self-explanatory. The third may be a bit more nuanced but mostly comes down to my need to have more control over my environment.

Since I’m not ready to buy a home here and am still far from fluent in French, I’ve had to learn to sit with my discomfort. I anticipated a lot of the challenges I’ve faced this year but this wasn’t one of them. Sometimes growth looks like straight up vulnerability.

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Lessons

Beyond the obvious – language, history, culture and the ways I’ve grown through the challenges above – I’ve learned some important lessons this year.

Trust

I’ve learned to trust my knowledge and intuition. While I’ve appreciated the guidance offered with respect to process and administration, I’ve learned to block out most other advice. Many people told me what I should be doing to settle in, but I’ve always known that I have a path that’s mine alone. My self-confidence improved this year as I leaned into my own strength and figured things out for myself.

That said, I also got better at accepting offers of help when I needed it. I even asked for help a couple of times. If you know me well, you know how hard that was!

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Letting go

I’ve learned to go easy. I have a tendency to be very hard on myself – to push myself much further than is healthy. This year, I put that hard work into letting go and embracing a ‘this too shall pass’ mentality. Not every day or in every situation, but I’ve noticed a big improvement in my ability to let go of expectations and results. For the first time ever, I’m relaxing into a laissez-faire way of life.

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Happiness

In a year that’s been fraught with tensions in Canada and around the world, I’ve learned to accept the blessings that have come my way. I’m a deeply sensitive person and can struggle with joy when others are hurting. This year, I learned to skim headlines, pray for those who are afraid and hurting, and accept this wonderful gift I’ve been given. I’ve found my way to moments of pure happiness and joy. Speaking of which …

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Joys

People, nature, new sights – I’ve experienced so much joy this year! I’ve decided to go back to some of my favourite photos to demonstrate my joy.

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The Joy of Colour

I am continually delighted by the colour that pops on trees and bushes throughout the year. Being this close to the Mediterranean means living in a world of beauty. It’s hard to pick just one from my many photos of flowers so here are a few of my favourites.

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The Joy of Adventure

From day trips to nearby cities to short stays in towns like Coulioure and Castelnau-de-Montmiral to a longer visit in Paris, I’ve explored beautiful parts of France this year. It was also great to get back to Morocco for Christmas!

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The Joy of Connection

I like social media because it keeps me connected to people I know around the world. But it was the monthly video chats, impromptu calls, messages, emails and group chats with my friends and family in Canada that I especially valued this year. It brought me joy and the support was invaluable.

Building connections is so important to me, and I’ve been able to quickly do so here thanks to the many kind, generous people I’ve met. Yesterday, on the first anniversary of my arrival in France, I invited friends to join me in celebration. My apartment was full of people talking and laughing, the crowd spilling out onto the balcony, some meeting each other for the first time, others old friends. I didn’t take any photos because I wanted to be fully present. I spent a few minutes taking it all in, marvelling at the fact that I was surrounded by so many new friends. This is what it’s all about.

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The Joy of Pézenas!

A common question I still get is – why Pézenas? I came here because of the comfortable size of 8,000ish inhabitants, the proximity to the Mediterranean Sea, the good bus service to surrounding communities and train stations and the presence of other expats.

Another common question I get is – are you here to stay? That question throws me off. Stay for another year? Yes. Stay forever? Who can know! But the answer is becoming clearer.

One of the benefits of being a renter is that I can pick up and leave with only one month’s notice. When I returned from Paris, I felt the pull to live in a larger centre and entertained thoughts of Montpellier or Narbonne. But it didn’t take long to bring my mind back to Pézenas.

Pézenas, with its small town energy and vibrant Saturday market, its surrounding vineyards and villages, its history and artisans, parades and performances is now my home. There is so much joy here, not the least of which comes from my new friends and community!

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Song of the year

I couldn’t think of a better song to wrap up this extraordinary year than Bon Jovi’s It’s My Life.

I ain’t gonna be just a face in the crowd
You’re gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud
It’s my life, it’s now or never
But I ain’t gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I’m alive

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Up next

So, now what? I’m one year post-retirement and feel ready to tackle some goals. Talking about goals can suck the air out of them, so I’m not going to go into detail, but one of them might involve an accordion!

The blog is going to take a back seat for a while as I focus on some writing projects. I’ve really enjoyed documenting the past year. It’s helped me focus my thoughts, stay in touch with friends and family, and even make new friends.

I appreciate all of you who have read, commented and sent private messages!

I won’t be posting regularly but I’ll add to the blog if I have something new to share, like an adventure, deep thoughts or some great photos. Feel free to reach out and say hi if you wish!

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Thank you, again, for following along over the past 52 weeks. Here’s to Challenges, Lessons and Joys. To leaning into life, taking chances and feeling the burn of growth. Here’s to friendship and community and everything that blooms. And here’s to the next 52.

My heart is like an open highway.

À bientôt .